Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Coffee and a Slap in the Face...

Well, three posts in one day. What does that mean? The computer business is slow today and the customers I DO have, I wish I didn't. So here's a question I get a lot: "Can you do a better price?" I got this one a short while ago, and as I sometimes do, I tried to have a little fun with the customer. Here's my dramatic re-inactment, entering after I faxed a quote to a local tiny business owner (coffee shop) and he called me back to complain:

Customer: Okay. I got your quote and I must say that it's not very tempting.

Me: Oh really?

Customer: Well, I need all that stuff but the price is way to high for me.

Me: Okay...I mean, taking a $770 deal and dropping it down to $660 would usually be considered 'dropping the price unnecessarily'. I don't think you would get $110 off at any other store in town.

C: Well, 'Such and such' store can sell me a compter package for $500.

M: Yes, but the package they quoted you is a totally different computer with half the power, half the ram, half the hard drive and an older operating system. I can sell you a similar system to theirs for around $450...

C: But I need something that has more power and a better operating system.

M: Which is why I quoted you something that is along the lines of what you communicated to me your needs were.

C: But it's too much money! I could get a computer for way less than that at other places and I'm not above shopping around.

M: Well, to be honest, I could sell you a total piece of garbage. It would be useless, but it would be CHEAP as borscht. Price isn't the only factor in making a purchase. If you can find a similar system to the one I quoted you, bring me a quote and I'll beat it, as well as buy you supper anywhere you want.

C: Look. I know your mark-ups are huge. I know you could do a WAY better deal than this. Now either give me a better deal or I'm taking my business elsewhere.

M: Hang on a second here. I tell you what. What should the price be?

C: What do you mean?

M: I'm allowing you to tell me the price. What should it be?

C: Well...Uh...

M: I'm doing something crazy here. I'm giving you the once in a lifetime opportunity to tell me whatever price you want to pay.

C: Uh...Well...I don't have a clue.

M: Just say any price and I'll do it. What should it be?

C: I don't know. I don't care. If you cannot do way better on the deal then I'm going to (names other store).

M: Well, You DO realize what I'm saying. I'm giving you the opportunity to choose your price and give yourself the deal of a century. I've never experienced this myself in any store ever in my entire life...ever. BUT, I'm giving you this opportunity because I'm feeling crazy today. Name your price and then we're done.

C: Well, I'm not interested.

(Customer hangs up)

M: I'm willing to take $50...Hello? Hello?

I mean, come on! What the heck? Some people think that I owe them a deal simply because they were born. And worse, some people have less of a sense of humor than a senate review board after the 'files' disappear. What gives? I don't know how some people survive without personalities. Well, later Playas,

The Armchair Sales-Machine


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