Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Lions and Tigers and Freebies, OH MY!

Well, it seems like "the bus stops" at my store every day. Here's today's gong ringer. The conversation is true to the original but has been shortened for readability:

Customer: Hi. My computer is REAL slow and I'm wondering how to get it faster.

Me: Okay. What kinda computer is it?

Customer: Well, I'm not like an expert or anything...(*note* - I'm constantly amazed at what constitutes an 'expert'...if a question requires any skills above recognition of colors and shapes, you need to be an 'expert'...?!)...but I brought my computer in my car.

Me: Oh? Well, can I get it for you?

C: Sure.

(I get customers' computer)

M: Okay. Let's set this puppy up and see what she tells us. Hmm...this thing IS kinda slow. Well, no worries. I'll figure this out in a second or two. (a minute passes).

C: Well, it used to be my mom's computer but she gave it to me for school.

M: Oh? A hand-me-down. Well, how long ago did she get it.

C: I don't know. I did have a guy put XP on it. He said it would run better with XP.

M: Ah! I was wondering why you had XP on a system when the liscence on the side says that the system came with Windows 98. (All of a sudden, the saloon pianist shifts to a minor key)

C: Well, I paid the guy $150 to throw on XP for me. It's SUPER slow now.

M: Hmm. Well, let's check your system profile and see what kinda of...Oh boy... (Saloon pianist transitions into the 'enter the villan' song)

C: What?

M: Uh...you're system would be struggling with Windows 98. I thought XP required 64 megs of RAM to even boot...I guess you learn something new every day.

C: So it needs more RAM? How much money is that?

M: Well, it's not just the RAM. See that number with the 'MHZ' beside it? Well, the new ones have a similar number with a 'GHZ' beside it. That means that they're like literally 10 times faster, if not 20 or 30 times faster (I know...clock speed is not a straight across measure for 'faster'...shut up!). Having more RAM would only partly help. You're processor is struggling a LOT with XP. In fact, I'm surprised that it even runs.

C: Yeah. It's kinda slow.

M: No kidding.

C: I'm so mad! Well, what would a new, fast one cost?

M: Well, you'd be looking at around $500 to get going.

C: WHAT? Man! I already spent $150! Holy crap! I didn't know getting a computer was going to be so expensive!

M: ?! Well, you got this computer for free. That's a pretty good deal. And spending $150 on getting XP, along with install, is a pretty good deal. I'm sorry that it's not a system that is not doing what you wanted, but then again you didn't actually pay anything for it.

C: Crap! I cannot believe I'm going to have to spend another $500...

M: Well, you don't have to do anything. It's just an option.

C: I'm so mad at my mom. Her computer is a piece of crap!

M: Uh, it DOES run fine...I mean, if you put Windows 98 back on it, it would probably run all right.

C: Then I'm going to have to pay MORE money! This is useless! ARGH!

M: I'm not sure what to say. If you don't want to spend money, you won't get products that meet your needs.

C: I'm going to go have 'words' with my mom! Oh BOY!

M: I'd be mad too if I got something for nothing. The Nerve!

C: Okay. Thanks for you help.

M: Have a good day.

(Saloon pianist plays an ornate cadence and the curtains fall)

***Wow***. I don't know what to say. I mean, I cannot understand how such basic 'commerce concepts' escape people. "You get what you pay for"? I mean, I can only imagine what would happen if someone went into a car dealership with the same attitude...I have to pay MONEY for something that I want? Hokey Smoke! Until Next Time,

The Armchair Merchant


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