Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Hooray! My First Conspiracy Nut!

After one customer I had in my shop today, I have two words to say:

"FBI mind control in league with Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Adrian Carmack in an effort to manipulate the public using Windows XP."

Okay okay...that's more than two words. I admit it. Guilty as charged. None the less, that's somewhere along the lines of what seemed to be going through the mind of a guy who entered my shop today. The conversation went somewhere along these lines:

Me: Good afternoon! Welcome to (store name)!

Customer: Hi. I'm wondering if you have any athlon computers with no operating systems.

Me: Oh...uh, well, pretty much all of our systems have operating systems.

Customer: Crap. Well, how difficult is it to remove XP and install Windows 98?

Me: Uh...I'm not sure. I don't really know anyone who's ever done that. I'm sure it wouldn't be that difficult...?

Customer: Well, I can't have XP on my system. I won't put up with XP.

Me: Okay...Well, we DO have some great deals on Athlons.

(We both go over and look at some Athlons. The conversation progresses until I can't hold back my curiosity. Ten mintues later...)

Me: I gotta admit something to you. I'm curious why you want to get Windows 98 instead of XP. Almost everyone I've ever talked to wants to do the opposite...?

Customer: Well, 'they' can track your software with XP. 'They' can know what you put on it, where you go, and on and on. I don't want 'them' seeing what I'm doing on my OWN computer. Privacy laws exist, but 'they' make the computers that enforce those laws, so 'they' are functionally above those laws. I don't want to give 'them' access to know what I'm doing on the computer. It's not like I'm hacking the Pentagon every day, but I know 'they're' trying to keep track of what I'm doing and I'm not going to give 'them' an inch. I mean, Windows XP takes up like 10 gigs on your hard drive, but Windows 98 is only like 400 megs. What's all that extra 9 and a half gigs of stuff? You tell me. Nobody knows. What kinda stuff needs an extra 9 gigs of space? I'll tell you what kinda stuff: the stuff 'they' use to monitor you. Everything that goes on in your computer, 'they' can see and 'they' keep a record of. Most people may as well have a microchip in their brains. Not me. NO SIR! I'm not going to play into 'their' hand. They can take their Windows XP and smoke it. When it all hits the fan, I'll be safe and under the radar!

Me: Excuse me...I've gotta answer that phone... (I back away while still keeping eye contact, strafe over to the ringing phone, pick it up and start talking very softly, while maintaining eye contact. Customer turns and quickly walks out the door.)

***I'm so proud to be a Canadian. In the US, those kinds of people are rounded up and confined to a compound with all their horded machine guns and concubines...at least until the DEA and FBI show up for a 7.62mm pow-wow. Not here in Canada...We're accepting and tolerant of the socially eccentric and encourage their integration into the general population where they can, without fear of reprisal or even any social stigma, present their amusing delusions in the public school system to our impressionable children. Oh Canada! We stand on guard for thee! Until Next Time,

The Armchair Informant


Post a Comment

<< Home