Please, please, please, please, please, please...

...either shut up or leave. Please. I can't take it anymore.

- These were my sentiments for around 30 minutes today. I had one of the most annoying customers...the moron who thinks he's a tech and is completely and spinelessly indecisive. Almost nothing is worse than the 'noodle n00b', the 'braindead technician' who's got the personality of a wet noodle. Here's some excerpts from the conversation:

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Customer: So I'm looking for a Panasonic toughbook.

Me: Oh really? Those things are pretty amazing, what with the steel case and the internal shock suspension and whatnot. Sadly, we don't carry any toughbooks...what with they're being like $5,000+ and such.

C: What? They're not $5,000. That's a load! I looked on the internet and they were like $3,500.

M: Oh really? Hmmm. Where were you looking?

C: I don't know...

M: (Sits down at computer) Well, let's look somewhere. Hmmm...how about Bizrate? They have prices for everything.

C: ...Okay...

M: (searches)...and...okay! Here we are. Well, this one's price ranges from $3,200 to $3,700.

C: See!? I told you! They're not $5,000. Where do you get your inflated prices from?

M: Uh, those are America prices. With the exchange and taxes, $3,700 comes to like $5,200.

C: Oh. Why are the prices American?

M: The website is American.

C: That's stupid!

M: ?!?

**********************

Customer: Hey, this one is more money than that one. Why is that?

Me: Well, that one has a different processor, more ram, a bigger screen and a bigger hard drive. Those extra items add to the price.

C: Do you have one of these for that price?

M: No, but I do have that one for that price!

**********************

Customer: So why do you carry AMD processors when AMD doesn't exist anymore?

Me: What? AMD is still around. This stuff is the same stuff at any other store...

C: Oh yeah? Well (competitors store) has one that looks like that with a 'Turion' processor.

M: Well, the 'Turion' is made by AMD.

C: No it isn't...it's a Turion. That's why it says 'Turion' on it.

M: 'Turion' is the model number, AMD is the manufacturer.

C: No. AMD makes those 'Athlon' processors.

M: And the 'Turion' processor. The 'Athlon' is one model and the 'Turion' is another model.

C: No...the 'Athlon' is an AMD but they're not around anymore.

M: I'm sorry, are we still talking about this?

**********************

Customer: What company is (names major manufacturer)?

Me: They'e only the third largest PC manufacturer in the world. You can buy their stuff at (names 4 other major retailers)

C: I've never heard of them.

M: Well, they've been around for like 15 years or more.

C: I'd think I've heard of them.

M: Oh really?

C: Yeah. I'm really up on technology.

M: I can tell...you seem quite well informed.

**********************

Customer: How much L2 cache does this hard drive have?

Me: L2 Cache? Are you talking about the L2 cache on the processor or the buffer ram on the hard drive?

C: L2 cache. When I say 'L2 cache' I mean 'L2 cache' How much does this hard drive have?

M: (rolls eyes) Well, that hard drive has no L2 cache.

C: What? That is a piece of crap. Why does it have no L2 cache?

M: Because it's not a processor. Processor's have L2 cache. Hard drives have buffer ram.

C: It should have L2 cache!

M: (sarcastically) OH! L2 cache! I mis-heard you. It has a billion.

C: What! No it doesn't! You're lying!

M: Yup...And you're preceptive. Kudos all around.

**********************

Okay okay. The last 4 lines of that last snippet didn't happen...but it did in my mind. HA! One day...one day...None the less, I've got to get back to work! Until Next Time,

The Armchair Polygraph Technician