Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Friday, September 30, 2005

Reflections on Geekdom...

Well, I just came from a movie that is destined to be a cult classic; Serenity. I won't bore with details (Wash dies) but as I was sitting around, I noticed that the room was entirely filled with a certain type of people; Geeks. As I was examining the wildlife in the theatre, I started to ponder the wide variety of geeks. There are so many different types, and yet so many similarities. So my flat-mate and I were chatting about 'What makes a geek?' and we started to discover that nailing down the defining qualities of 'geek' is rather difficult. Here's what we came up with as common denominators of 'geek':

1. Geeks, across the board, have underdeveloped or nonexistent social skills. Geeks always seem to be malfunctional or askew in social situations. Their humor is often bizarre and usually exponentially funnier to themselves than it is to the rest of the planet. Their typical topical types of talking involve comprehensive understandings of atomized areas of interest that are often shrouded in garrulous erudition to produce a false impression of focal acumen (ie. they like to cluck on and on and on 'bout things that y'all don't give a shiv about and use big shiny words to sound edumacated). Well bred geeks tend to also have amazingly bad timing in conversation, saying the worst things at the absolute best times (for us listeners...what?). They tend to do bizarre things when talking to the opposite sex and often make conversational faux pas (like making too little or way too much eye contact) with disturbing regularity.

2. As a separate and yet very related point, Geeks often know everything about things that don't matter to anyone but themselves and the rest of their clan. Like memorizing the entire dialogue of science fiction movies, or obscure musical scores, or the weights of certain ancient car parts. It's not that their knowledge is not extensive, but more that it's extensive about complete trivia. Knowing which episode of a certain show had which hilarious 'line' in it is pretty dang useless...as is being able to sing the entire discography of Bobby Vinton...as is knowing the names of all the members of the 1976 Brazilian olympic basketball team. I mean, it's also not that such information is entirely useless, for we always love having geeks around for the random and vocal submission of such information into a conversation. But, it's not the best use of the available cranial space one has to offer.

3. Geeks often ally their obscure and trivial knowledge with their passions...ie. geeks are often defensive about their geekness. I mean, if you've already read this far and have taken offense to anything I've said, then case in point. I've heard geeks argue, almost to the point of rage, as to the proper grammatical construction of the phrase "Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog" in Klingon. Talk about crying over spilled milk. I've also heard many geeks who are white as the driven snow mutter mis-pronounced Japanese insults at other white individuals that don't understand certain forms of Japanese animated film. I mean, who's kidding who? Having all the episodes of Trigun and Inuyasha on DVD doesn't make you Japanese...and calling me "Otaku" is more likely to win you a beating for your lunch money than any ounce of respect you ever had coming.

4. Geeks often are cliquey, hanging out with other geeks. In fact, they often travel in herds when they work up the audacity to emerge from their mother's basements. You usually never see just one geek out stretching it's wings. Oh no. They travel together with the illusion that numbers breed social imperceptibility and make them appear to be routine persons in the mall/theater/restaurant/concert/Star Trek Convention. Not quite so my little fruit cups. We see you.

5. And again, on a related point, when geeks go out they often display the 'gift' of public presentation that many of them have. If I had a dime for every overweight individual in the mall with a trench coat covering up their "Ghost in the Shell" T-shirt who's walking around trying to look mean, I'd have enough dimes to buy those Naruto action figures I've asked my totally real, non-imaginary girlfriend for. Not to say that trench coats are it. Oh no! There's a wide variety in 'geek wear' that is often equally amazing. Pretty much any shirt bought at Randy River qualifies as 'colors', showing your geek markings with honor. Also, your shirts with ASCII code jokes don't get you out of jail...nor does your shirt you bought from www.purepwnage.com.

Now I'm going on and on, and at the end of the day, we all have some geek in us. We all know a little too much about that one 'guilty pleasure' TV show. We all know the lyrics to a few songs that we'd never admit too. We all sometimes say the stupidest things or make jokes that go over like a dead carp. None the less, you cannot escape your inner geek...in as much as you'd want to. Don't flee your inner geek, but don't feed it too much either. Learn to enjoy it with some balance. And I'm not one to be preaching here...I mean I've got lots of geek in me...hey! I've got a blog with 'geek' in the title. None the less, what do you all think? Any other thoughts or ideas? I'm kinda tired here and shooting from the hip, but I'd love some real responses here. Bring it on! Until Next Time,

The Armchair G-G-G-G-GEEK!

3 Comments:

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