Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Tackling the untouchable topic...

Yes, I'm putting a blog about one of the 'taboo' things that annoys me...yup. I'm talking about international customers (immigrants for the non "PC" out there). Now, I love international people. I'm a tremendous fan of most of their food (I'm a cury-a-holic and I am on the patch for my problem with sweet and sour pork/chicken/beef/kimchee), I like their cars and I mostly like them as persons. My favorite doctor was East Indian and many of my friends are from the Pacific Rim. I listen to Morning Musume, Jay Chow, Ayumi Hamasaki, Baby Vox, L'Crimi Christi, Malice Miser, Khryzler and Kompany, Tokyo X, Racer X, Impelliteri and Gackt and I like plenty of Asian, Indian and African music ('Shakti' or 'Sweet Honey on the Rock' anyone?). I don't want to come across as racist or negative, but I've gotta get a few things off my chest. In as much as there are true stereotypes about us Canadians (materialistic, selfish, narrow-minded, capitalistic, wussy, no regard for family, etc.), there are certain patterns of behaviour and conversation that seem to occur with frequency with certain international people groups that come in to buy computers. I've compiled a top ten list of comments/behaviours that are my favorites:

10. Coming into the store with 7 or more people in tow. I don't know how things work where you're from, but why do 4 cousins and grandma need to shop with you? Also, it's just plain intimidating when all nine of you are transfixed on me while I try to explains to you...It's like that one scene in Village of the Damned with dark haired instead of blonde kids.

9. Discussing me in your native language while I'm standing in front of you. Please don't, or at least don't point at my stupid tie while you are doing so...that's a dead give away that you're talking about me. I do speak Greek, Hebrew, English, Latin, German and French, so I'll possibly be able to figure out what you're talking about sooner or later, after consulting a textbook or something. Plus it's rude!

8. Pretending you don't speak english at all. You have a Canadian drivers liscence and you're going to University, doing a Masters where you have to write 35 page papers in English. I'm pretty sure you scored higher on your English proficiency exam than I did (you do have a higher paying scholarship then me!). I'm annoying, not stupid. Plus, that's also rude.

7. Coming in 9 times and never buying anything. I don't know why some internationals will stop in at my store a dozen times during the process of shopping. I've seen people in here daily for a month. What in the world are you doing? I honestly cannot figure this one out. The first 3 times, it's a return shopper. Then next 5, it's indecisive. Then next 3, it's annoying and any after that make me check the roof for hidden cameras... I have this fear of one day turning on the TV and seeing myself right after a TV host says "All right Dick, let's watch the next hilarious tape sent in by a mystery shopper from Saskatchewan. This salesman doesn't have a clue what's going on here and the hijinks that ensue are priceless!"

6. Taking 5 hours to buy something. I mean, how much time do you need to check out specs, price and make a desicion? Most people can be in and out within an hour or less, and that time involves haggling. I've seen some international customers sit in here all afternoon, deciding as to whether or not something is a deal.

5. Any other form of being indecisive that hasn't been previously mentioned. For some reason, many of my international customers just can't make up their mind to save their lives. I don't understand why this is the case...

4. Playing stupid. This one is specifically aimed at my Asian customers. The statistics are in and the surveys all verify what we all suspect (And Russell Peters agrees)...you're not even half as dumb as you pretend to be. I know everything in my shop is built in your birthplace and your children have more technology in their cribs than Bill Gates has in his den. I mean, come on! I've seen those 'Hello Kitty' games. I can do minor programming but I can't figure those freaking things out! I remember the Super Famicom and TurboGrafx16, which were using CD's back while I was still playing Coleco-Vision. I know you even invented the CD, the DVD, the MP3, and every other hi-tech toy/gadget/tool short of Divx (The only thing I've ever thanked Playboy for...). I've seen those Kyocera PDA/Wifi/mp3/PsP/video-phones that you all have that James Bond has on his Christmas list. I've seen those jackets with solar panels and 802.11G routers built into the sleeves. I've seen ASIMO break dance and slice a ham. I know you know more about technology than I ever will...so don't play dumb with me. I have low enough self esteem as it is. Don't mock me! I'll snap! I swear!

3. Pretending I'm your friend and offering me a meal at your home as an 'honored guest', hoping to get a 'deal'. Let's face it. You really don't want me in your house any more than you want me dating your daughter. I'm also not giving you 'friends and family' pricing no matter how much you pretend we're ex-cricket chums or related. And what's more, you'd charge me full price to the penny in your store no matter what I said. I've actually gone to where some customers worked and I've paid every single dime or the marked price, and that's after I gave them $75 off a package that was already discounted when they were in my store.

2. Being extraordinarily cheap. I mean, some international customers will bargain and bargain and bargain until their heads fall off. For some, it's like this war of attrition...They won't buy until they either get me down to 70% off or I die of exhaustion. If something is $900, they offer me like $400 and whine and whine and whine and whine and whine and whine and whine and whine and whine and whine and whine and whine when I say 'no'. International customers are usually cheap. Not just cheap, but CHEAP. And don't think I'll buy the "I hab no ma-nee...I so pooooo!" line when you pulled up in a new 5 series. I'm not sure how business works overseas, but I'll give you $50 off if I like you, not $500. Annoying me makes you ,move closer to the door. Write it down.

1. Being cheap. Now I know that technically, I've already stated this point. The thing is, it's such a MAJOR point that I thought it was worth mentioning twice.

Yeah. Just getting that off my chest. Gee...this blogging stuff is therepeutic! Hooray! Until Next Time,

The Happy Summer Armchair Levis GEEEEK!!


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