Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

The Truth About The Bottom Dollar...

...Okay. Here in Saskatoon, it seems that everyone is cheap. Not just cheap, but CHEAP. Not just CHEAP, but irrationally and maniacally cheap. Although this should not shock me, what with being in Mennonite country and all, it's very annoying. What's worst is that I work at a computer store, selling Silicon Valley's finest wares to the unwashed masses.

With technological peddling, one assumes that people don't really have a clue what they're shopping for...and one can never escape the fact since every Tom, Dick and Hairy trumpets their 'technical illiteracy' (if only they worded it as such) in like manner to a howler monkey competing for a mate in an all boy howler monkey's finishing school. For once, I'd love the first words out of someone's mouth to be something other than "Okay...I'm not a computer expert but...". What about saying "hey? How's it going?" or "Hot enough for ya?". Heck. I'd even take "Wanna see my growth?" (As you can guess, that constant announcing of ineptitude annoys the tar out of me.)

BUT what is in a CLOSE running for second place is the cheapness of the patrons of my store. I swear, if I sold anything for cheap enough, someone would buy it. Case in point was yesterday...conversation ensued as follows:

Me: Welcome to the (store name). How goes things today?

Customer: Well, I'm hunting for a printer. I need a multi-function printer that scans, faxes, copies, prints and whatever else. (I'm guessing the 'other' would be writing soliloquies...)

Me: Okay. Well, I've got nothing that faxes right now...We're getting stock soon though and I could look at ordering something in for you?

Customer: Well, I need it today. I don't need faxing that bad. What have you got for me that's cheap?

M: Well, I've got these (model number) printers that copy, print and scan and they're $89. That's a pretty sweet deal. We just got the new models in so we're letting these guys go for $30 less than retail. (insert discount comment like the sales prostar that I am! )

C: What? $89? That's not a deal. (Store name) has a (model number) printer for $69.

M: Yes, but that one is simply a printer. It doesn't scan and copy. For the extra $20, you get the features you want. Isn't that more up your alley?

C: No! Why would I by this one for more than the other one?

M: Well, this one does what you want. You could buy somethine that doesn't do what you want for cheaper, but that wouldn't do what you want.

C: Well, if you don't have a deal for me, I'm going to go to (store name) and buy their deal.

M: (contemplates for a second, then decides to experiment) Hang on a second. I do have something for you. It's a printer, scanner, and copier that was returned by a customer. It doesn't have any ink, nor does it come with a printer cable, nor do I even know if it works. I haven't had time to check it out.

C: How much is it?

M: $50. $50 takes it 'as is' and there's no refunds.

C: $50? Hmmm...sold. I'll take it.

***What in the world? I told the guy it doesn't have any ink, nor cable, nor confirmed usability...but he takes it because it was cheap. Once he buys the ink and cable, he'll end up spending MORE! I honestly didn't expect him to go for that! No kidding! Next time, I'll have to be more overboard. This is what I predict will occur next time:

Me: Well, I've got this printer that was in a forrest fire. I don't have the foggiest idea what a printer was doing in the middle of the forrest in the first place, and beyond that it's not in the best of shape. I mean, it's kinda melted and there's a dead woodchuck in it. It stinks like baked woodchuck and I'm pretty sure it doesn't work at all. BUT, it's $5.

Customer: REALLY? Do you have TWO? Does it come with warranty? Can I get it in blue to match my computer?

Until Next Time,

The Armchair Woodchuck


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