Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Friday, May 12, 2006

Wow. New Experience...

I have just recently (as in today) discovered the possibly most annoying thing in the world. Something that will drive a reverend to the bottle; something that will make a man tear his hair out. What is it that has so driven me to the edge? Well, let me explain.

I had a phone call today from a woman who was looking for a computer. That is a typical phone call, and I'm also used to people not having a clue as to what they're looking for. She apparently saw something in the paper and called about it. Here's my 'dramatic re-inactment' of what happened:

Me: Thanks for calling Chuck Norris' house of pancakes; Let our flapjacks give your tastebuds a TKO!

Customer: Hello. I'm calling about a computer.

Me: Okay. Did you see an add that caught your eye or were you searching in general?

Customer: Well, I saw a computer in your flyer and...

Me: (pauses, waiting for the sentence to be finished...which doesn't happen) And? which one was it?

Customer: I saw the one for $799 with the...

Me: (waiting for sentence to be finished again...) ...yes?

Customer: What?

Me: You were saying?

Customer: Well, tell me about...

Me: (waiting)...about the $799 computer from our flyer?

Customer: Yes. I'm interested in getting that one with...

Me: (waiting) ...with the?


And it went ON and ON and ON and ON. I've often done that to other people whom I was trying to annoy, but I've never had someone do it to me...speaking in unfinished sentences. I kept waiting for the person to finish their sentences and half the conversation was silence awaiting grammatical resolution. Man. Too bad Tylenol doesn't make a 'computer sales strength' version of their pain killers...I'm thinking something around 5,000 mg of codine, acetaminophen, rohypnol, diazepam and lidocaine with an easy swallow coating, best to be washed down with 24 ounces of Old Crow. I feel an e-mail coming on to Johnson & Johnson, and possibly millions of dollars in royalties incoming as well. Until Next Time,

The Armchair Coma Patient


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