Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Believe it or not, I'm walking on air...

...I never thought I could feel so free-eee-eee,
Flying away, on a wing and a prayer!
Who, could it be?
Believe it or not, it's the Geek!

Yes, my little Peugeot driving Peons! I have returned to my faithful masses with another episode of "The Heavily Energetic Neurotically Obbsessive Ox-Brain!" (Eerie music)

SO, this was the phone call I just had:

The Man With No Brain: Hello, what's your cheapest best computer?

Me: Well, cheapest and best are two different things. We have good cheap computers though like (blah blah blah) with 256 megs of ram for $399.

THENOOB: Well, I need a gig of ram.

Me: Okay. I have some stuff with a gig of ram. We have one (blah blah blah) for $748.

THENOOB: No! That's way to expensive. How much would it be to through a gig in the $400 machine?

Me: It's around $100 for 512 megs of ram. So that would work out to be around $200.

THENOOB: That's way too much! Geez! I want a used computer that's only like 3 Ghz with a gig of ram and a DVD burner. Don't you have something like that?

Me: Well, I don't have a used 3 Ghz computer with a gig of ram, but I do have the $748 one. That one isn't used.

THENOOB: That's way too much. What a joke.

Me: Okay. How much were you thinking it should be?

THENOOB: $400. (Oh wait. He's NOT done...)

Me: I see. Well, I tell you what. If you can find a used 3Ghz machine with a gig of ram and a DVD burner for $400, you bring in your reciept and I'll buy you lunch at (local restaurant).

THENOOB: Well, I can build one like that for $300 or so.

Me: Oh really? Well, I don't know where in the world you're getting parts from. I mean, the cheapest DVD burner around I know about is $58. Windows XP is $149. Cheap cases are $40. That's already $250 and that doesn't count a processor, power supply, ram or hard drive.

THENOOB: Well, whatever. Can I get something if I trade my old one in?

Me: Sure. What is it?

THENOOB: Well, it's a year old. It's a 2 Ghz PIV with a gig of ram and a 20 gig hard drive and a 16x dual layer DVD burner.

Me: Well, our technicians would have to check it out overnight to see what kind of shape it's in. Also, you'd always be better to sell it privately because, as a business, we'd have to purchase it for a price that we could turn around and sell it for. But, I'd probably think we'd give you around $200-300 for it.

THENOOB: What the heck? I'd want around $500! Why would you give me so little? It's worth $500 at least.

Me: Well, we would sell it for around $400 or so but again, seeing that we're a business, we wouldn't pay you what we'd sell it for. And further more, didn't you expect to pay $400 for a new one? Why would you expect us to pay you more for your used one than you'd pay for a new one? That seems kinda bizarre to me.

THENOOB: Well whatever. I don't have time to talk to idiots. (hangs up)

Me: Oh wait. I'll trade you your old one for three shiny new ones...hello? Damn! (yelling into the phone...don't worry. The store was empty.) YOU JUST MISSED THE CHANCE FOR A DEAL OF A LIFETIME! (hangs up phone while other two sales guys stare at me with curious expressions.)


Well, we definitely have the golden gong award winner for the day. I am amazed at the sheer courage of someone to try to pull such a stunt. I bow down to the most courageous fool around. Good job. Until Next Time,

The Armchair Geek


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