Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Boxing Day Blues...

(Sing to a nice twelve bar blues lick)

Oh I went to bed late cause I was setting up a network on Christmas day,
I was fixing computers when I went over to my uncles to play,
I ate too much turkey, ate too much gravy,
And I got home so late I got to bed at 2:30.
With 5 hours of sleep, and sinuses that leak,
I had the "Feeling like a steaming pile on boxing day blues"!

It didn't help much that the store was filled up with n00bs,
Some were window shopping, others just couldn't choose.
I don't know why the funny farm let any of them loose!
And two guys asked for prices so low, I almost lost my shoes!
With 700 folks all telling boxing day jokes,
I had the "dealing with brainless meatbags on boxing day blues!"

One thing was good for me and that's that folks came to buy.
Although I did all right that day, I gotta ask why,
Why would you try to argue price with a boxing day fly-
er in your hand? What are you? Drunk? Or maybe weed's got you high!
With the best prices of the year, I still had the fear,
Of the "n00bs trying to skin my hide on boxing day blues"!


So if you're shopping on next boxing day, I have some advice.
Leave your straight jacket at home and try to comb out your lice.
Search through all the flyers till you find the right price,
then when you shop please don't forget to treat the salesman nice.
He's getting run off his feet, and please believe that he's beat,
He's got the "You're a fool and I've gotta deal with you on boxing day blues"!


Man, was I singing that song yesterday. Hundreds of maniacs in my store. So much pink and brown flesh...so little grey matter. Stuff was selling pretty much at cost. I had around 4 people who were window shopping, as in driving all around with no intent to buy, on boxing day.

I gave a guy one deal that was insane (like $300+ off...selling at like $50 over cost and throwing in some extras) and he didn't take it because I didn't have anything with wireless internet that was global. He wanted either a wireless router that had enough power to shoot the 802.11g signal anywhere in the world, or he wanted me to somehow throw in a high speed aircard (which are in the $1,000 vicinity, or so I'm told...but I don't work at jump.ca and don't know their stuff...). I started talking ebonics with him and tried to get him to understand that 'homie don't play that', but there had been a mistake at breakfast. He had eaten his own brain and somehow there was an omlette between his ears.

Another guy was shopping for something with 1024 megs of ram, 200+ hard drive, pentium IV 3Ghz or greater with a 256 meg video card and dvd burner, and somehow figured that he'd find something like that on boxing day for around $300 (which would be more in the $6-800 range). I just hugged him and told him that I didn't judge him for his crack addictions; crack was the bad guy here, not him.

Oh, and two other people tried to barter price. I lightly laughed at both of them and told them that "you're honestly trying to barter on boxing day!" Well, one guy left and one guy bought. He did put it in his pipe and then he did smoke it! HA! Am I the shiznizzle or what?

Not only that, but I did it all with a crazy head cold and a migraine for the last two hours of my day. I took one for the team, though I went home and slept like Mike Tyson found me in bed with Robyn Gibbons. I was KO. Remember, next boxing day...Don't barter and be nice to the salesman. He's getting screwed and most likely making NO money at all (We DO get comission, you know...) so that you can get your unwashed hands on a great deal for something that you most likely don't even need. Give him a hug instead of a hard time. Until Next Time,

The Armchair BB King


Post a Comment

<< Home