Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Me Tarzan, You Techie Man Dude!

Yes. you read it right. Tarzan the ape-man, in both male and female incarnations, has called my store today. I'm guessing that Tarzan (or Tarzana, I guess) was having some form of problems with his (her) computer. I spent 15 minutes on the phone with Tarzan, each time he called. I listened to broken english and stories about sisters, cousins, Sasktel representatives, programs, e-mails, and on and on. I'm not sure that Tarzan actually asked me a question the first time he called, but the second call from Tarzan ended up with a confusing question regarding an e-mail program, which wasn't working but was somehow working enough to send an e-mail to Tarzan's sister. Here's one sample of the conversation that my subconscious hasn't yet surpressed (along with those memories of my time in that Chinese prison when I was in...uh, hmmm, crap! Memory is all fuzzy! I forget!):

Me: Thanks for calling The Nuclear Physics Department at the University of Albuquerque. How can I help you?

Tarzan: Me Tarzan. You computer man dude.

Me: Hello Tarzan. You are correct. I am a computer man. What can I do for you today?

Tarzan: Tarzan buy computer. Tarzan lives in house. House has computer. Computer is black.

Me: Well, that's fantastic. Did you buy that computer here?

Tarzan: Tarzan like eat meatty bun food. Tarzan hungry. Tarzan HUNGRY!

Me: Well, we are next door to the largest buffet in the world and it's 'two cent tuesday'. Is there any computer related questions I can answer?

Tarzan: Internet! INTERNET! Internet go e-mail webpage no blog limewire cheese sauce! CHEESE SAUCE!

Me: I'm sorry sir. I'm not sure what you're asking me. Are you trying to download a recipe for cheese sauce for your blog, from your e-mail?

Tarzan: Many Childs use swears in Buffalo!

Me: Yes. The proliferation of percussive profanity present in pubescent people is perturbing!

Tarzan: Tarzan think phone man use funny words! BUT, Tarzan no find bacon. Tarzan need bacon for walrus face! Computer have no bacon!

Me: Well, your computer shouldn't have any fried or otherwise cooked pork products in it; that would be quite bad for the computer.

Tarzan: Tarzan have computer sickness! Computer make Tarzan sick! Computer bad sneezy bad sicky!

Me: Ah! Now we're getting somewhere. You'r computer has a virus?

Tarzan: No....NO! Computer have virus on it!

Me: Yes. I just said that. So, if you need to wipe and restore it, you need to bring in your computer and restore discs and we can get rid of the virus by erasing your hard drive and re-installing your operating system.

Tarzan: That would be acceptable.

Me: Good. Have a good day!

Tarzan: MEXICO CITY! (hangs up)

Okay okay...I kinda used to artistic license to make that whole conversation more funny, BUT it was actually that stupid; that just wasn't the actual transcript. Tarzan did make random, nonsense statements though. I'd say something and he/she would just blurt out something completely unrelated. It was enough to drive Ghandi to violence. Anyway, I don't want to talk about it anymore. It's disturbing enough just thinking about it. ARGH! Okay. Calming down. Until Next Time,

The Armchair Mahatma Ghandi


  • I was looking for something else when I found your blog.Anyway I found it very helpful.You may visit my new Auto Parts blog if you like.

    By Blogger oempartspt, at 5:30 PM  

  • Hey. I went to you CRAPPY auto parts site and hacked it and crashed your server (and possibly transfered a ton of money from your pay pal account to an offshore bank...but I'm not admitting ANYTHING there). Just so you know, THAT was ME! You can visit my TECH FRUSTRATIONS blog to see how I get ticked at spamming n00bs like yourself. Oh wait. If you're reading this, you're already here. Congradulations; you stink.

    By Blogger The Armchair Geek, at 12:49 PM  

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