Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Sunday, July 16, 2006

The Young and the Wrestlers...

Every now and then, I get customers in the store who come in for reasons beyond human comprehension. A Father, wife and daughter tag-team came in the other day, and in as much as I could tell, I was on candid camera. He was one of the more rude people I've ever talked to (although he's up against competition of biblical proportions), and his wife and daughter were relatively polite and well mannered.

Either way, everything I said he shot down. It didn't matter what I said; he had some smart alec negative response. Things like:

- "I want something cheap! She doesn't need the fanciest thing around..." (I show them the stuff that's cheap...) "I said 'cheap', not 'crap'."

- "Why would I buy that one when I can get this one (holds up competitors flyer) that has a bigger hard drive for $200 more?" (I try to explain to him that the extra hard drive isn't worth the $200 difference) he says "Why should I believe anything you say? You're the salesman!"

- "Do you have any laptops that aren't SLOW?" (Says it in the most abnoxious tone ever)

- (My favorite)

Abnoxious Man: This store has that one for like $699

Me: Oh really? Do you have the add?

Abnoxious Man: No...but I remember what it was.

Me: Do you know the processor?

Abnoxious Man: No. I think it was and IBM. (NOT a type or processor.)

Me: How big was the hard drive?

Abnoxious Man: Uh, like 60 gigs...or 80 or 100 or something like that.

Me: Do you know how much ram it had?

Abnoxious Man: It was like either 500-something or 1000-and-a-bit.

Me: Ah...well, those details would make a tad of a difference to the price. Are you sure it was this exact model, with these exact specs?

Abnoxious Man: Absolutely.


Then, after a while, I shifted gears. I put on my "fun cap" and started going crazy. I simply started catering to him and offering him whatever he wanted, to the point of absurdity.

I offered him free extended warranty

I offered him a free upgrade to a DVD burner model with a larger hard drive

I offered him a free printer

I offered him a free bag

I offered him a free mouse

I offered him a free anti-virus program

He still didn't buy.

The first mark of a "corn-fed-Iowa-idiot" is when he admits 3 times that he doesn't know something and then claims he's absolutely certain of it. The second mark is when I offer him $348.96 of free stuff on a laptop that's worth $750 and he walks, in search of a better deal. I sometimes entertain myself too much. For the record, if he would have bought that machine and taken my 'insane' deal, I would have been around minus $150 on that deal. I was glad that he didn't buy though...that would have been bad...but I wasn't worried because I'm that good! HA! Living on the edge! Until Next Time,

The Armchair Dingleberry


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