Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

How about I PAY YOU?!

The events of the following tale are completely true, but the facts surrounding the individuals have been altered in an effort to not compromise their witness protection:

Okay. So a few days ago a person comes into my store, shopping for a computer for his mother. In tow is a sibbling brother and another person (I was guessing either girlfriend or parole officer). The mother had very limited needs as she ran a small sweatshop out of the Menno Home in Waldheim, making 'the clapper' and various calibres of depleted uranium tipped ammunition (Saskatchewan...FINALLY putting our Uranium to good use!). In other words, she needed a cheap machine to run Excel and Adobe Sweatshop. I was happy to oblige her, and seeing that her son was an old aquaintance of mine (we were in the same mobile infantry unit in the Yom Kippur War), I gave them a great deal.

Anyway, the brother was kinda looking at stuff and he admitted, early in the process of the sale, that he needed a laptop. I pointed to one of our 'outstock' models (something I needed to get rid of) and said "Itszak? You see this laptop? You make me an offer on this laptop...ANY offer...any CRAZY offer, and it's yours! You name your insanely low price and you can take it home!"

He proceeded to sweat and mumble to his female friend for the next 15 minutes while I sold the mother her little computer. When we finished, he moved to follow them out the door and I stopped them. I told him "Son, you haven't even made me ANY offer on the laptop. I'm asking $699 for it, but from you, I'll take anything! Don't leave without making me an offer! You never know how schmultzed my brain may be today!"

He continued sweating.

He looked at his older brother, and his older brother simply snapped, "Just offer him something stupid for it."

He looked at his mother, and she repeated the statement (albeit in Dutch).

He continued to sweat.

He finally looked at the price, then looked at me, and then blurted out "I'll give you $400 dollars, taxes in!", half smirking and half scared that I'd accept his offer and he'd have just committed himself to a purchase.

I held out my right hand to seal the deal and exclaimed "SOLD!"

Then, in an unbelievable flight of nerves, he just turned and ran out of the building.

His brother and mother picked up their boxes and went after him, yelling "You idiot! He said YES! Go and take it! You got it at like half price!"

He got in the car and waited for them, hiding in the back seat and unable to make eye contact with me.

Couldn't much understand that one. I think I scared him or something, and I wasn't even putting the stress on him. He coulda had the deal of the century! Oh well! He'll never know if I was serious or not; I never got a chance to tell him! HA!

I sometimes have too much fun at work. Oh well. Until Next Time,

The Armchair Mobile Infantry Commander


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