Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Friday, July 21, 2006

And THEN ...

If ANYONE has ever worked retail, or service of any kind, you'll understand the frustration of the 'last second customer'. You know, the guy who shows up right as you're cashing out (or locking the door), and wastes an hour of your time for nothing? Oh man. I always have those, but tonight was a special one.

I'm leaving the store (after I've shut down and it's 20 minutes after closing) and a guy is loitering outside. I set the alarm and then open the door to leave and he tries to sneak into the store as I'm leaving! I blocked the way and said "Hey dude, I've just set the alarm for the night and I'm leaving. We've been closed for almost half an hour". AND, of course, then he starts whining. Not talking to me like I'm a human being. Talking to me like he's a poodle. WHINING.

"Well, I've been all over town (yeah right. He's walking...) and I really need to get a screw to mount a hard drive. I have three screws and I lost the fourth and I need to get it so it doesn't sit loose."

That's what he stood around waiting for...A screw. Not exactly a necessary part.

So then, in my persistent efforts to leave, I lock the door and explain "Well, I'd love to help, but the technicians have all gone home for the night and their parts cabinet is locked. I cannot even get at their hard drive screws."

But he doesn't take "no" for an answer. He persists,

"Don't lie to me! I just saw you lock the door! You have keys in your hand! All I need is ONE screw!"

Now at this time, if he was nice, I'd open the door and hunt around in the back for a screw for him...just as a recognition of the persistence and a sign of respect. But seeing that he got angry at me and called me a liar to my face, I have no concern to cater to him. So instead, I pulled out my keys and told him

"I'm going home. Help yourself and lock up when your done."

Just kidding.

But I DID say "Look bud. We're closed. We've been closed for 27 minutes now. The cabinet is locked. I'm done work and I'm going home and insults and injuries won't change anything. Do you want a lift to wherever you're going?"

He says "Damn it! That stinks. Well, I'll come back tomorrow. I only live over there." (points to an apartment block across the street.

He waiting until 8:25 to come across the street and then squaked that I was leaving.

So I beat him with a spade.

No kidding. I was freaking annoyed.

But, I ended up leaving and went home as he turned around and walked back across the street.

Until Next Time,

The Armchair Geek

P.S. - This post was a COMPLETE fabrication, made to satisfy C and K in Ko. Apparently they check this blog daily for posts and I couldn't let them down. The downside is that the stuff that I make up isn't half as funny as stuff that happens in real life...well, except the story about the 37 inch femur. That one was an instant classic.

But yeah. Didn't happen. I'm not that funny. Sorry. You just got pwned. HA!


  • Well, you beat a guy with a spade?!?! Now that's crazy! Even after you admitted you fabricated the screw part of the story. So who was he? Just some down and out homeless guy?

    Until next time,

    The armchair armchair geeks

    By Anonymous anonymous in korea, at 6:28 AM  

  • Yeah...no. He wasn't homeless. I think he was, in reality, trying to give me a sales pitch for some sort of Pyramid marketting scam, like Amway or Quixtar or Primerica...

    ...AND it WASN'T a spade with which I pummeled him...It was my cunning wit. I made fun of him for getting sucked into the business equivalent of Scientology and then I insinuated that his mother was a Hutterite prostitute.

    So yeah...now you know.

    I'm a freaking jerk who hates pyramid marketting sales pitches and makes fun of peoples' mothers.

    I'm a horrible person.

    You happy now?

    I'm crying. Just FYI.

    By Blogger The Armchair Geek, at 7:12 AM  

  • ugh i hate this verifaction thing its so weaksauce......

    By Blogger wagboy, at 7:39 AM  

  • "To the pwners, all things are pwnage, but to those who are noobs and do not pwn, everything is weak sauce..."

    - Titus 1:15 NPT (New Pwnage Translation)

    By Blogger The Armchair Geek, at 5:42 PM  

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