Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas n00bs!

Enjoy your lump of coal! HA! Until Next Time,

The Armchair Santacide

Friday, December 15, 2006


The GEEK has returned!

Well, it's been a good time out firing automatic weapons with senators and hanging out with intergalactic warlords. I bought some new "self defense" hardware and Xenu still thinks Tom Cruise is too high strung for apparently being a "functioning" diety. Then again, I beat Xenu at checkers like 4 times. Noob tries to read my mind, but I read his mind and know what he's doing so I just put up a blockade of pictures about kittens. Bad news is that it turns out that several intergalactic warlords/dieties are really bad at checkers. Good news is that I won, and now am sovereign ruler of, an entire star system.

Ya. You know that middle star in Orion's belt? Well, apparently I now own it. Xenu gave it to me for beating him, fair and square (aka. out-cheating him and checkers). There's not much out there except raw minerals a little backwater planet called Kolob, which apparently had some contact with the Incas or Aztecs or something, way back when. Yeah...who cares.

Anyway, I'm back and blogging and apparently being recruited to fight some extremely rude aethiests on a blog of a friend of a friend. Aggressive atheists are the most hilarious people ever:

Atheist: "I don't believe in God and I demand that you prove God exists."

Armchair: "Uh, if you don't believe in him then why are you wasting your time by asking me to waste my time trying to prove the existence of a non-existent being/whatever to you?"

Atheist: "Well, religion is what's wrong with the world. Religion is the cause of every war and every political problem and every rape and every natural disaster and it makes everyone sad and blah blah blah so if I disprove the existence of God, then everyone will be happy and there will be no more war."

Armchair: "Hmmm. I thought the real problem in the world was people who apparently are smart enough to figure out the world's problems but to stupid/lazy/hypocritical to get off their fat bums to actually do anything about it and instead sit in their basement blogging about how horrible the world is and how every problem in their own life is everyone else's fault but theirs. You forgot to mention that one. So now, for the sake of argument I'll simply grant that God doesn't exist. You win. Now what?"

Atheist: "What? You...huh? Well, I guess everyone should just do what is good and stop judging people and be nice and whatever."

Armchair: "I'm sorry. I don't have a clue what you're talking about. I don't understand the terms "good" or "judge" or "nice" or anything. I feel annoyed at you though, so I'm just going to lash out and come over to your house and pour boiling coffee on you because it will make me laugh and I simply don't care about you anymore and instead want to do whatever I feel will entertain me. Please give me your address."

Atheist: "What? You're an idiot. You want to come over and pour boiling coffee on me? That's idiotic. Why not go out and feed the homeless or do something beneficial for society."

Armchair: "Again, I don't understand these words your using. "Beneficial for Society"? I don't understand that phrase whatsoever. So whatever... Please give me your address so I can come over and cause you physical pain that will temporarily entertain me."

Atheist: "No. I will not give you my address and I will not allow you to do that."

Armchair: "Hypocrite! HOW DARE YOU JUDGE ME?! How dare you try to force your morality on me! BIGOT! SELF RIGHTEOUS MORALIST! FUNDAMENTALIST! HYPOCRITE!"

And on and on...

Anyway, I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm sure I'll have fun. And NO. I'm not going to tell you where I'll be. Until Next Time,

The Armchair A-Atheist