Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I'm gone for a while...

Okay. It's the Armchair Geek here. I'm going to an NRA meeting and Scientology OT Level 10 conference in Slackjaw, Illinois for the next 2 weeks or so, so I'm not going to be around nor posting for a while. If anyone cares, that is. Please send all hate mail to the usual place and don't send me requests to purchase firearms for you.

I'll be completely NOT thinking of you all when I'm firing fully automatic weapons at dead pigs with Charlton Heston...

...But I will be thinking of you when I'm on the mothership with Xenu and we're turning lead into gold by sheer power of thought and talking about his new plans to ruin Tom Cruise's third marriage. (The last two fell apart because of Xenu...he's evil but now that I'm an Operating Thetan Level 10, he's no threat to me due to my vast psychic powers. We often play golf together now.) Maybe if you grovel, you'll get some gold from me. Maybe.

Until Next Time,

The Armchair Travolta

Sunday, November 19, 2006

And on the third day...

...God made Buffet of Death. All other music in history of the world is but a footnote to this band. Truth be told, they actually travelled back to like 3 minutes after Shem, Ham and Japheth exited the ark (via one swift Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) and invented music. Boys, we thank you. Behold the pinnacle of performance, the supremacy of songwriting, the rhythmic rapture, the liquidity of lyric, the cream of counterpoint, the heavenly of the hardcore... behold the Buffet of Death:

All other bands make music. These geniuses make art. Until Next Time,

The Armchair Buffet

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Just so you know...

Just for all the haters, this is PROOF that I'm not the strangest, nor craziest, nor stupidest person on the internet. Some people should never get their hands on webcams. Behold:

Oh my word. I don't get it at all, but WOW. I feel so normal. Until Next Time,

Fong Sai Yuk

What I do at night...

....This is what I do when I'm in my car all alone, driving on California highways. I sing folk songs about piracy in Saskatchewan. One day, the Jolly Roger will strike in California! Yeah. The Canadian influence in Cali isn't wide, but it's intense! I'm guessing Tracy Pickle shouldn't watch this at work!

Until Next Time,

Cracker Jack!!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Okay. It's the Armchair COMPUTER Geek here, ONE LAST TIME. I've had these pictures lying around, and needed to throw them up here. I used to work at a nameless computer store (at least for another 3 months until my 'non-disclosure' clause wears out) where I learned many things. One of the lessons I was wanting to share was how to trick out a desktop computer. Many people get tired of the same old "Gray Box" sitting on their desk, so they go out and buy one of those pretty Macs for like and extra $2,000.

WAIT! Don't run out and pad Steve Job's pockets yet.


There's another way to give your computer a trendy, modern look:

Get some CASE MODS and trick that pony up baby!

Now I know what you're thinking. "Case Mods? Are you talking about a liquid cooling system or one of those Falcon Northwest automotive paint jobs?"

Well, that's how Bill Gates and Paris Hilton maybe mod their PCs, but let's face it; You're a cheapskate and most likely don't have $900 for a car, let alone a paint job on a computer.

SO, I have an alternative. With only a short trip to the dollar store, and possibly a Quinn the Eskimo, or San Fransisco (the store, not the place), you can get enough cool stuff to give your computer the exclusive flare that you're searching for!

The week that I left Asian Poodle Sprinkler computers, I had a customer bring in the hottest modded machine I've ever seen. It was straight up gansta. I snapped some shots to show all you wannabes how to drop it like it's hot.


- First, you need some skylight action

- Don't forget the trick LCD accent lights!

- And last, but not least, a viewing port!

ALL RIGHT! Now you perpetrators can be PLAYAS! I do believe that this is the FINAL installment of the Armchair Computer Geek. We'll now return to our regularly unsheduled "Crazy in California" posts! Until Next Time,

The Armchizzle Chizizzair G-Unit MafoSHO! Best Recagnize!