Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Friday, March 30, 2007

What is going on in Redmond?

Okay. Second gripe of the day. I honestly think that this commercial contains stock footage of the software development department at Bungie Studios. I mean, Bungie.net has the announcement of new Halo 2 maps that are going to be released on April 17th. They'll be offered for $4 and they'll add extra venues to get your frag on...but wait a minute! The announcement reads that one is called "Tombstone" and is actually the Halo 1 map "Hang em High" where as the second map is called Desolation and is actually the Halo 1 map "Desolation". Now the textures on the walls are different, and "Tombstone", er, "Hang Em High" has water in the trench, but WHO does Bungie think they're fooling?

Apparently, Bungie took some lessons from ole' sneaky Bill Gates! Why make new maps when you can, with 1/20th the work, jazz up a bunch of old maps and sell them again? Didn't people buy Halo 2 in order to buy a new and better game? I mean, Bungie could have saved themselves a whole load of money and simply added the Halo 2 maps to the original Halo!

Oh, and while we're griping about Halo, can anyone figure out why I have to buy Vista to play Halo 2 for the PC? I mean, who cares about the rapid install garbage? It's NOT using DX10 and it's a 4 year old game that ran on the original XboX, which was a PIII 700 mhz with a 64 meg Geforce 3 series card!

Will Bungie and Microsoft quit screwing around and start making things worth spending money on? This is enough to make a guy chuck his PC out the window...but don't worry. I'm not going to do something INSANE like buy a Mac or something. I was thinking about picking up an Amiga though. Until Next Time,

The Armchair "Angry at Kirkland and Remond" Geek

Give the guy applause!

Okay. It's been coming on 8 months since I've officially worked in high tech (or at least medium tech?) but I am always amazed at how there is never a shortage of n00bs do completely crazy things. For example, if someone bought an XboX in like 2000 and used it until it completely broke, what would that person do? Try and fix it? Send it back to Microsoft and demand a refund 6 years out of warranty? Smash it?

No. Those are all semi-logical, and not befitting a true n00b. HECK NO! Instead, a true n00b would try to sell it on Ebay, advertising it as an


Now THAT is hilarious.

But, what's even more hilarious is the fella who's currently bidding $15.50 on it. (Check the link...it should be down in a day or so...and the bid was at it's level when I posted this. Maybe it's hit $40 by the time you read this!) I miss Asian Poodle Sprinkler Computers...no wait. It's been long enough since I've been gone. All the people who used to read this blog don't read it anymore, seeing as there's no tech stories on here (short of this one) to laugh at...and the lawsuit from this guy that is mentioned here is long past (it got thrown out of court after the judge convinced the guy that his computer had not been hexed by a rogue voodoo shaman who was working for me...and being paid in chicken heads...*wink*), so I guess I can divulge the information about where I used to work.

Drum roll please:














Not going to be revealed at this time, hence there is a possibility that I may be HEADED BACK this summer!


Yes. After serving my tour, there's a chance that Sarge will be calling me back for my skills. POW's to save and Noobs to Napalm! GOOD LUCK MEN! I'll keep you all informed.


Until Next Time,

The Armchair "Well, if you want a cheap XboX, I've got one last option! This one here was in a forrest fire. I don't have the foggiest idea what an XboX was doing in the middle of the forrest in the first place, and beyond that it's not in the best of shape. I mean, it's kinda melted and there's a dead woodchuck in it. It stinks like baked woodchuck and I'm pretty sure it doesn't work at all. BUT, it's $5!" Geek

Friday, March 23, 2007


Okay. I'm freaking ticked today. Not JUST ticked, but FREAKING TICKED!

When I come back, I am going to throw a Molotov cocktail at Saskatoon Insurance Agencies. My plates are SGI and I have direct withdrawal for my payments and everything is simple and worry free. My license and Autopak, on the other hand, are apparently impossible to pay for.

I called them today to attempt to renew and they said "well, just mosey on in and pay it up. $400 is what you need."

I tried to explain to them that I live in California and that's easier said than done. So, I'm supposed to renew my license in person in Saskatoon. They cannot take VISA or Interac over the phone, and they need my signature on the paperwork so I cannot get someone else to do this for me without faxing them a letter saying how I'm allowing them to pay for me.

What a headache.

This is half the cost of my insurance, and SGI lets me do everything over the phone for my insurance! ARGH!

I need a nap! Stupid Sask Insurance Agencies!

Until Next Time,

The Armchair "Hyper Annoyed at Sask Insurance Agencies" Geek!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007


Well, I just had a stupid thought. If Alektorophobia is "the fear of chickens", then would that person be afraid of themselves, since they're chicken about chickens? That would be crazy. Everytime they would see a map they'd go NUTS!

Hopefully they wouldn't be allergic to nuts either. They'd be dead within minutes of being born.

Dare to think deep.

Until Next Time,


*bloody death by poultry attack*

Monday, March 19, 2007

Some news.

Here's a random and dumb thought. I discovered a new sensation yesterday. It's very frightening pulling up to a red light, looking in your rearview mirror and seeing a late model Toyota Camry, driven by a large hispanic woman, coming at you with it's nose digging into the ground and smoke coming out of the wheel wells because the driver is slamming on the breaks with everything she's got.

That has honestly never happened to me until yesterday, and I hope it never happens again.

Check huggies.

Huggies good.

Until Next Time,

The Armchair Geek

Thursday, March 15, 2007

A thought to nobody about nothing...

Seems to me that in the last several months, I've encountered several nobel laureates who throw up some pretty aggressive slander and rhetorically unsophisticated insults, and when people get offended or call them on their faux pas, they seem to consistently say "I was being SARCASTIC!".

So as of now, I'm going to start being even MORE idiotic when I use sarcasm, in an effort to set an example for those people who think that they're clear writers (I'm talking about you Hairless!) . And truthfully, nobody believes the "I was being sarcastic!" line...I stopped getting away with that in like grade 8! If you're going to write sarcasm on the interent, where nobody knows you well enough to know how lousy or Mark Zielke (yes, he's been an official adjective for over a year now) your sense of humor is (I'm preaching to the mirror here...), don't think that the people who "don't get" your sarcasm are stupid. It's much more likely that that you're neither as clever nor as good a writer as you think...and problaby not even close. I should know. I think I'm the best writer in Gotham City, and that city doesn't even exist! (See how easy that obvious sarcasm was?) So either write serious or write crazy.

This Public Service Announcement has been brought to you by Asian Poodle Sprinkler Computers and the International Federation of Competitive Eating.

Until Next Time,

The Armchair Rabindranath Tagore