Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Saturday, September 30, 2006

My other OTHER blog.

Yeah. I have ANOTHER other blog. You can check it out here.

And here's a short presentation I put together on how that blog came to be:

TheTheoAmigos. The othe other white meat. Until Next Time,

Lucky Day

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Time for some FLAMING Heresy!

Well, it's time now for some humerous heresy...and some good old "Corn Fed Iowa FLAMING Heresy" at that!

You all remember Dan Brown's theological classic "The Davinci Code"? Well, I've got something new that combines a more conservative, "Left Behind" view of scripture (well, kinda) with the science of "Jurassic Park". "Oh no...here it comes" is probably what you're thinking, and rightly so. HA!

So today, in an anonymous class, we were hammering through some of Exodus, specifically some of the issues regarding the plagues of Egypt. And I got thinking again. Oh dear.

So we were talking about the plagues, that they occured exactly in the way that the Bible gives account, right? When Exodus says that the "Nile turned to blood" and whatnot, it actually turned into blood...like real blood. (And if anyone wants to debate this stuff, that's not the porpoise of this blog. You can go to my serious blog if you desire to fight about this stuff. Try that here and I will respond via freestyle rap)

Anyway, what does blood have in it but hemoglobin, t-cells, etc. and DNA. So whose DNA was it? Well, that's where my new Christian fiction novel would take over. Imagine some biblical archeologist finds pot with blood in it (or in a bucket...or whatever. I'll sort out the fact later). Anyway, through some sort of realistic sounding archeological mumbo-jumbo the archeologist says "Eureka! This jar is from the time of the exodus, so this blood must be from the first plague!"

Then, he takes the blood from the pot into the lab and gives it to a hematologist or something who then says "Dave (my archeologist), this blood has DNA in it!" Then, against government mandates and in an illegal underground lab, they make a clone from the DNA. So, who do they find in the cloning chamber when the clone comes full term and comes to life? I'm open to ideas. I'm currently thinking:

1. Jesus.
2. Moses.
3. Aaron.
4. Adam.
5. Eve
6. Melchizedek
7. A Tyrannasaurus
8. Pharaoh himself!
9. The Rock (playing the role of a Nephilim)
10. Creflo Dollar
11. John MacArthur (my personal favorite)
12. Colonel Saunders (Who also turns out to be Melchidedek...I'd think that would be the funniest.)
13. The Angel Gabriel (probably also played by the Rock)

Any other good ideas? I like the idea of it being God's DNA, and the blood from the nile ends up matching a sample taken from the shroud of turin, leading to this massive conspiracy that is covered up by the catholic church to prove that Jesus WAS God. "But why would the Catholics cover THAT up?" For that you'll have to read the book. Sounds like a real page turner! Until Next Time,

The Armchair Flaming Heretic

Here's what some leading theologians from Yale Divinity School thought of my new book idea (You don't get high quality theological commentary at that OTHER Armchair's website...he's so serious and such a stick in the mud!):

( disclaimer: The Armchair Geek does not support the combination of alcohol and headbanging. Such things originally lead to the JEPD theory and the founding of Gnosticism.)

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The most horrible feeling in HISTORY!

OH MAN! I was on www.CTV.ca today, checking the ole' Cannuck news and whatnot when I saw a little devious link. It looked something like this:

So then, seeing Oscar Leroy's favorite son, I thought to myself "Hmmm...Can I actually watch Corner Gas online?" That sounded too good to be true! Watching one of the only good shows in CTV history online via broadband? Oh MAN! Yes PLEASE!

So I click the link.

Then, I this pops up:

CANADIAN RESIDENTS ONLY? I cannot believe that they won't let me watch because I'm not in Canada. Those Pinkos! Rejected, by my own people whom I so affectionately mock continually!?! The nerve! And guess what CTV?! I'm going to hang out at www.cbc.ca instead. You're stupid website just lost a hit, which drops the daily total of www.ctv.ca hits into the single digits (most of which are Rita McNeil and Kurt Browning checking to see what time their Christmas special reruns are on). HA! For the record, I was the guy who open-hand slapped Lloyd Robertson in the lips for $8 at the Toronto film festival. Next time I see him at the Junos, first guy to cough up a toonie gets to see me steal his toupee. Betrayed in Burbank,

Peter Mansbridge

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

It's official...

... My brain is waring against me. Stupid brain! Here I am, trying to work hard and pay attention in class and my stupid brain pulls a stunt like this:

So I'm in a homiletics class today and the class is talking about our textbook. Very solid, accademic dialogue about sermon preparation and whatnot. One of the phrases that was being used was "Fallen Condition Factor". As the professor was talking about this concept and dialoguing with the rest of the class, I got blindsided by my stupid imagination. I'm trying to pay attention and contribute, but my brain imagined this:

Yeah. My stupid brain thinks "Man! That would be a great name for a metal band: Fallen Condition Factor!" I tried to shut it up. Really, I did. Then I coudln't hang on and I started laughing. Oh man. I was so embarassed! So there the class is, talking about some great and important stuff, and the resident Cannuck is laughing like a psycho at nothing. I regained control after 2 seconds, but if the testimony of history has taught me anything, it's that someone, at that very moment, thought I was laughing at them. ARGH! So whoever you are that was commenting while I was chuckling, I wasn't laughing at you. SORRY! My brain was getting me in trouble...again! SHEESH! DAG NAB IT! Until Next Time,

The Armchair Geek

- These 2 hour classes are taxing my attention span SO bad! DOH! (I probably didn't need to make a picture, but it only helps to illustrate what I was fighting against!)

Saturday, September 09, 2006

More Crazy Math for the Prairie Chickens!

Okay. I was reading one of my textbooks tonight and took a break to crunch some numbers. I'm a total chimp at math, but I think this is pretty accurate. This is for all the Toontowners. More math about the crazy amount of people here:

Western Canada = about 9.4 million people living in 2,712,729 square kilometers (1,047,426 square miles)

Los Angeles County = about 9.8 million people living in 10,518 square kilometers (4,061 square miles)

That's 258 times more area with 400,000 less people.

I don't think I'll ever grasp that everyone from Honkouver to Winterpeg lives in an area a third the size of Vancouver island [32,134 square kilometers (12,407 square miles)]. Basically LA county is the size of the area from Victoria to Port Alberni. Brain Freeze. No wonder there's crime here. There's EVERYTHING here!

In an unrelated note, I went to Hollywood the other day and bought a dozen CD's at a crazy huge music store called Amoeba Music. That place is like Virgin Records in Vancouver, but with more obscure stuff. (Hey Dustin: I now own every Ayreon album but one. When you come, bring some cash to buy tunes! What's even funnier is that right now, I'm listening to A Mennonite Tapestry by the West Coast Mennonite Chamber Choir. Didn't see that one coming, eh? Listening to Plautdietsch choral music? I'm thinking that absolutely nobody from California [short of a few hundred Lepps from Reedley] will have any clue what I'm talking about! HA!) Until Next Time,

The Ardillón Trasladado Forzosamente

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Episode 2...BEHOLD!

Okay...first off, I'm thinking that the video portion of the blog will be a tad more infrequent as of now; this latest one ended up taking like 4 hours to sort out and throw together. I didn't realize what time it was until it was too late. So, I'll start collecting footage, but I may take my time in throwing together episode 3.

None the less, here's the next episode in the series. I drove off to Oxnard today for the annual TMS student/faculty picnic. The drive took forever (like 2 hours + on the way down) but it was really beautiful. I'm sure I'll be saying that 3 years from now...lol. The traffic was insane and I almost got side-swiped a few times, but I still enjoyed myself.

On the way home I stopped by "The Guitar Center" in Camarillo and then went out to...well, you'll see in the video. Needless to say, those two places are on the calendar for "must see" in January. If a certain member (or members) of the "Pastor Pump" club were downhere, it would've been just like old times.

So here you all go:

Now some of you prairie chickens can see a little bit of California, and you Virginians can wish you were here! HA! Until Next Time,

The Armchair Ardillón Trasladado Forzosamente