Tales of Idiocy and Woe...But Now I'm CRAZY in California!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

One of the FUNNIEST comments I've heard in a while...

I thought I had heard it all...well, most of it...well, some of it. Now I know that I know next to nothing! I've often had rude customers. I've often had stupid customers. I've often had young customers. Last night, I had all three rolled up into one. Here's the tale:

Family comes in with two daughters. Both girls were quite attractive and looked like they were 20-22, but based on their behaviour I guessed that they were around 16-18 (they were both like 5'10 though, so taller women often look older). Anyway, Dad was the main spokesman of the ensemble. He informed me that they were looking for new computers and wanted something basic; 1 gig ram, 200 gig hard drive, dvd-burner, etc. (That's not basic...divide those numbers in half for "basic" these days). I had a system like that and it was $699. He frowned and said that he was thinking of paying around $500 for something like that. So, the sales 'swashbuckling' ensued.

I asked him if he had seen anything of such spec at said price. He said that we were the first store that he had come to, but he 'knew' the going rate for things. He started asking me why my prices were so high and as I moved to get a flyer from a competitors store for illustration's sake, the phone rang., so I asked them to excuse me for a moment seeing that I was the only person in the store.

Now up until that point, the girls had only said that they wanted the computer for MSN and downloading (insert expletive) and whatnot. They admitted that they didn't care about the other stuff and only only wanted something that "didn't suck". They also were giving me goofy looks; very sassy and the sort of look that an arrogant 'mildly attractive' girl gives a guy when she thinks he's checking her out (I really pitty the girls who think they're more attractive than they really are. Life must be full of frustrations...)

Now once I was on the phone, the girls both did a lap of the store and then headed for the door, motioning for the parents to follow suit. I was about to clasp my hand over the phone and say something when the one girls turned her head sideways and asked the other girl, more than loud enough for me to hear, "why would I ever buy a computer from a store that had bars on it's windows? What kind of (insert expletive again) store is this anyway? I mean, oh my God!"

I then waved at them and mouthed the words 'good night'. The one girl turned, gave me an "as if" look and didn't wave back. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. I mean, since when does having security precautions on a store with $250,000 worth of electronics equate that it's a sub-par merchant? Some people must simply exist entirely for the sake of entertaining the rest of us. Keep it coming! Until Next Time,

The Armchair Pawnshop Merchant

Saturday, March 18, 2006

More Fruits of Boredom...

Okay. I have this tremendous problem now. I have crazy things happen at work, but I forget to write them down and when I get home, I forget what I HAD to blog when I got home. Doh. It's also late, and my mind is in full on 'crazy-go-nuts' mode. So, here's a little story and some completely random and spontaneous poetry in on of my favorite styles; Haiku. Enjoy.


Man brings in laptop
Says when DVD's play back
they're very choppy

Take it to the back
Everything is working fine
Can't figure it out

Next he's on the phone
Says the keyboard doesn't work
wants it fixed for free

Try laptop keyboard
And we try the DVD
Customer smokes crack

Customer returns
Don't hear what is said to him
but he seems quite vexxed

Need to calm things down
And establish dominace
So I hump his leg


Vinyl Siding smells
Oscar Meyer Weiners too
I live in a swamp

Can't forget the list
Gotta buy some groceries
And prosthetic thumbs

sweating at the gym
Muscles flex and muscles strain
I should eat more prunes

On my second date
With the presidents daughter
Won't get shot again!

Pick her up for prom
I'm so nervous, Dang She's HOT!
Crap! I peed my pants!


I neutered the fence
Selling fate in pickled form
My grace is a carp

Jimmy Baker's free
His parole officer believes
gave him 80 bucks

Walking on the paid
Falling through the learn of skip
smell with 12 degrees

I am getting tired
I could write haikus all day
Please support war amps.


I'm serious. I COULD write Haiku's all day. My Haiku's stink out loud, but for what I lack in quality, I make up for with quantity. I'm way better at limmericks..the true art form. Anyway, Until Next Time,

I'm The Armchair Geek
Writing Haiku's past midnight
Time to go to bed!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Fruits of boredom...

I'm bored today. Here's some Palindromes that are funny:

Amen, I call a cinema

A nut for a jar of tuna

A Santa pets rats as Pat taps a star step at NASA

Anne, I vote more cars race Rome to Vienna.

Dammit, I'm mad!

Delia saw I was ailed.

Dennis sinned.

Do geese see god?

Egad! No bondage!

Gert, I saw Ron avoid a radio-van - or was it Reg?

Harass Sarah!

He stops spots, eh?

He won a Toyota now, eh?

Lonely Tylenol.

Swap God for a Janitor, Rot in a jar of dog paws

Slap my gym pals.

Ten animals did slam in a net

We panic in a pew.

Was it a bar or a bat I saw?

Yawn a more Roman way!

Yo, banana boy!

Well, I hope you enjoyed that. I don't have any stories right now because I haven't seen a human being in the store all day. Doh. Until Next Time,

The Armchair Lonely Tylenol

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

I just bought a webcam. Here's a test photo

Monday, March 06, 2006

A Clue...

...That you should not be shopping along. If a person comes in and says:

"I'm looking for that Pentium 43 with the Hypers and the Threaders"

They should NOT be shopping alone. Todays free tip has been brought to you by,

The Armchair Geek